WE
DO RECOVER!
The Fight For My Children
The anxiety was beginning to swarm over me, stealing my breath, pounding my heart. I had waited over two years for this day, and I knew this was my last opportunity. My life and the lives of two little girls would be decided upon today. It was my last shot at getting custody of my daughters, otherwise they were going to be split up and put up for adoption. But how did we get here in the first place? How does anyone put themselves in a position like this?
It began about 4 years ago, and neither I nor my wife could ever imagine that anyone would ever think about taking our babies away. Our relationship had fallen apart along time ago, when she found a new love that she put before her husband, her children, and her own self respect. His name was heroin. Before I paint my wife as the sole culprit, I should say that I had my own addiction that I was battling. And that's what I was doing on the day the state took our children. I was in a 6 month intensive rehab, which seemed to be my only chance at recovery.
The drugs were making all of my wife's decisions and none of them were for the good of anyone. The state contacted me and told me they had taken the children from my wife. When I attempted to leave the rehab to get my girls back, they informed me that due to the situation with my children being exposed to an atmosphere of drugs, they were requesting that I finish my commitment at the rehab, which at that time I had 4 months left. I was sick to my stomach and have never felt so helpless in my life.
Four months later I left the rehab feeling healthier than I had felt in years. My mind was clear and I knew I had to avoid all the people, places, and things from my time before the rehab. On top of the list was my wife.
Eventually my wife dropped out of the picture and chose not to complete her case plan to get custody of the girls back. My case plan was going right on schedule and I stayed clean and focused at the task at hand. I began to struggle with extreme anxiety and depression, which I soon went on medication for. I was able to visit my girls once a week supervised, but I was a nervous wreck. With seven months clean I relapsed. Yes, I relapsed, I used drugs again. My daughters were the most precious thing in my life and they were counting on me, and I would choose drugs over them. What kind of person in his right mind would do such a thing? None. But when the disease of addiction takes control of our lives, it's safe to say "we are no longer people in our right mind". The guilt made it even harder to quit the drugs. It was an endless circle and I could see no way out. I struggled for one full year, putting together a week or two of clean time, and in a flash I was using again.
In no time at all I lost my job, and I found myself sleeping on the beach. I ran my car into the ground and I had to abandon it. I would go the narcotics anonymous meetings right down the street. I was always welcomed there. I was 6' tall and my weight was down to 144 lbs. I was dying and I was hopeless, until that one miraculous day, the day I surrendered my will to God and some friends took me to a detox. I felt so sick and so weak, but I had hit a horrible bottom and I could barely walk. I spent almost three weeks detoxing, the self inflicted poison seeping out my pores.
As soon as I left detox I went straight to an N.A meeting. I was welcomed with open hearts and loving hugs. I went to at least one meeting every day. I moved into a halfway house and 1 month later I had my old job back. Within 90 days I had a car and an apartment, miracles after miracles. Now it was time. It was time to get my girls and bring them home after almost 2 1/2 years. I was ready to fight for them and I was determined, even against the odds, that one day I would leave that courtroom with my precious girls by my side
I began to get supervised visits, then eventually I took them for the day on my own. We had been to family court many times and we were having a problem with the way the system was set up. The statute said after a year’s time I cannot get my children back, because the children were now being placed for adoption and they already had a family go through all the adoption procedures. The judge had a new admiration for me and every agency was on my side, we just had to find a way to get through the red tape.
Finally, it was judgment day. It was now or never. The state attorney told the judge that the children should be with their father, as did everyone else who testified that day. The Judge looked at me and smiled. He glanced around the courtroom until his eyes found mine again. He said "sir, in all my years on the bench I've never seen a parent go through as much as you did fighting your addiction, sleeping on the street, and still show enough perseverance to be here today fighting for your children. I'm confident that your love for your children, somehow defied all odds. How would you like to have your girls back with you, where they belong?" Those were the sweetest words I have ever heard.
It's been almost three years now (UPDATE: 5YEARS) that I've been raising the girls as a single father, and the three of us cherish every moment. We haven't seen their mom in over two years, but we keep her in our prayers. I could have never done this on my own. I had to turn my will over to God and trust that he could manage my life better than I could. I feel so blessed to have my children back, to be able to provide for them, and to get a hug and a kiss each night before they go to bed, only 20 feet away, from the luckiest man in the world.
If you would like to read Jay’s journals, which include “Mister Mom”, “The Family Guy”, and “Rock paper Scissors”, as well as many others, please visit his site at Jays Plan
Jays Plan - Secrets of a Single Dad web site to parenting issues and many other issues that he feels need to be written about.
The Light At The End Of The Tunnel
When I finally had enough pain and still didn't believe I could change, it was the other recovering addicts that refused to accept that, they gave me love, and by seeing the miracles in their lives, I found a bit of hope that maybe I too can have a life and be freed from bonds of my addiction and self- affliction.
They tried to show me " The light at the end of the tunnel", but always thought that light to be a train coming, and at times that seemed like an easy way out. But God had other plans for me, and he put many people in my life who brought a strong message of hope, and an abundance of faith.
I put my trust in these messengers and finally found my faith, I began to believe, if they could change their lives by surrendering their will, then it was apparent that I must do the same in order to receive the same blessings. I had hope, where there once was doubt, I had faith that God had bigger and better plans for me. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and my purpose here is to touch as many hearts as possible, and to give hope to those who are where I once was, and to give them faith that they can have a new lease on life once they surrender their will and turn it over to a higher power. Once you do this, I can safely walk you through the tunnel and lead you towards the beauty of the light.
Jay Bartels
www.jaysplan.com bocaboyjay@aol.com
LIFE IS GOOD TODAY
Today was another successful day. Any time we make it
through a day without using, that day is a great success. Anything
else that happens positive for us , is just an extra bonus. When you
spend so many years as I did not being able to get through a single
day without drugs, just to stay clean is a miracle in itself. In
recovery we receive one miracle after another, and it's our
gratitude that keeps us clean.
What right do I have to complain about trivial things today, when not very long ago I was homeless and hopeless. Whatever my needs are today, my higher power provides for me, everything. We must have faith that our lives can change for the better, otherwise we're doomed to stay in the uncomfortable situations we are in. As our lives begin to change for the better, we must continue to turn our will over to God and have the same faith that he will provide for us, just as he pulled us from the ashes, yet we must continue to do the right things as well as do the foot work. It's important to remember that Faith without works is dead, but when you start believing that life is getting better all the time, then you will truly believe, That Life Is Good Today. To your health and your happiness.
For More On This and other important issues visit http://www.jaysplan.com
What right do I have to complain about trivial things today, when not very long ago I was homeless and hopeless. Whatever my needs are today, my higher power provides for me, everything. We must have faith that our lives can change for the better, otherwise we're doomed to stay in the uncomfortable situations we are in. As our lives begin to change for the better, we must continue to turn our will over to God and have the same faith that he will provide for us, just as he pulled us from the ashes, yet we must continue to do the right things as well as do the foot work. It's important to remember that Faith without works is dead, but when you start believing that life is getting better all the time, then you will truly believe, That Life Is Good Today. To your health and your happiness.
For More On This and other important issues visit http://www.jaysplan.com
Friday, September 16, 2005
WHEN LIFE COMES KNOCKING
Friday, August 26, 2005
YOU CAN'T SAVE EVERYONE
BY WORKING THE STEPS AND CHANGING OUR OLD DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIORS, WE BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND JUST HOW POWERFUL OUR DISEASE IS. IF ANOTHER ADDICT CHOOSES TO USE AGAIN, WE CAN NOT LET THAT WEAKEN OUR FAITH. WE HAVE STRENGTH IN NUMBERS AND WE NEVER TRY TO SAVE A SINKING ADDICT BY OURSELVES, WE GO IN GROUPS.
LET'S NOT DWELL ON HOW MANY ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT, BUT FOCUS ON HOW MANY MILLIONS OF US HAVE, IF ONLY JUST FOR TODAY. THERE ARE MIRACLES SURROUNDING US WHEN WE WALK INTO A MEETING OF 100 PEOPLE WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD LONG AGO. I BELIEVE WE WERE SPARED SO WE COULD BE THE ONES TO CARRY THE MESSAGE TO THOSE WHO ARE SICK AND SUFFERING, THAT THERE IS A BETTER WAY, THERE IS A BETTER LIFE, THAT THERE ARE MANY OF US WHO ARE HERE TO HELP YOU. WE DO RECOVER!
WWW.JAYSPLAN.COM
Saturday, August 20, 2005
AS THE FOG BEGAN TO LIFT
My memory was coming back to me in bits and pieces. I had been drugged up for so long that I couldn't remember who I was and what I use to be like. I knew I had hurt a lot of people , but for now that had to be left in the past. The time for making amends will come about when I reach that point in my recovery. Today was about taking care of Jay, because without me staying clean, I will be of no service to anyone. As soon as I had let go of the guilt that had helped keep me sick and using all these years, I was able to focus on the gratitude I had, for being given the blessing of being alive today, and of starting a new life. I was now on my way , and I had Faith that wonderful things lay waiting for me.